Monday, September 26, 2016

Frustrated with no purpose

I feel that I have writer's block, but I also feel like I may not have the right to say that.

I am not sure if I am considered a writer or not but I do know I have continued to feel just out of reach of my possible potential.

I know rule #1 of writing is write about what you know.

Well when I think about it I know a little about a whole lot.

I know about family, cooking, crafting, DIYing, dreaming, wishing, being a counselor, criminal justice, chemical dependency, being a friend, a wife, a sister, a dog mom.

But not one of these am I an expert at.

There is a part of me that has yearned for more in the last few years which is ironically how this blog actually started.

I have ideas and plans and a desire for a very different kind of life (career wise) for myself but fail to deliver.

I have tried my hand at owning a handmade business and for a number of reasons it hasn't worked out - I haven't tried hard enough? I don't want it enough? It is not my actual calling? And so on and so forth.

However I have opted to try my hand at freelance writing - I have no idea if I have a right to do this or am just setting myself up for failure but you know what? I don't give a shit either way. I cannot imagine myself sitting at a desk doing what I do now in 20 years, for no reason other than I will stagnant and will not feel that I am doing anything worthwhile.

Therefore I want a backup plan so to speak. When I think about what I enjoy reading the most it is articles and posts that help me to recognize I am not alone and the things I think make me crazy or weird are not actually that unique after all.

In other words when other people experience the same chaos that I do. It is a good feeling to realize you are not alone. I look forward to this next step in my journey and hope that I have good news to report in a few months that I have at least managed to write something worthwhile haha.

So here is what I am asking of all of you - if you have any tips, pointers, hints, suggestions, corrections etc I would greatly appreciate them! Wish me luck friends.


Thursday, September 22, 2016


Anyone catch that? You will become my new best friend if you get the title of this post haha.

Any who - I wish I could have gone through my life without this post. I wish I could say I live my life without any regrets but I would be lying to both you and myself. Some of my regrets come from not having pushed myself hard enough. However there is another part of me that believes in the lessons my mother raised me on.

I am not sure if I shared this before or not on here but my mother raised us with the belief that everything happens for a reason and if things are meant to be they will work out somehow. Now this is not to say we were taught to sit back and wait for good things to come our way. Rather it was a lesson of work hard and do what is right and best, knowing that the end results are what is meant to be.

I understand this sounds very simple to some people and I respect that. However thinking and believing this wholeheartedly has allowed me to accept that sometimes things just are what they are. Which in turn has allowed me to live my life with few regrets. The regrets I do have however are from my own lack of trying and not learning.

My regrets are more "what ifs" rather than being disappointed in the life I have today. I feel that I have been blessed with a pretty kick ass life and do not necessarily feel or need more. However that doesn't stop me from wondering what could have happened had I done somethings differently.

What if I had pushed harder and found a way to become an RN, NP, PhD, MD?

What if I had been more comfortable or braver in finding my creativity sooner?

What if I had blogged before it was cool?

What if I hadn't completed my master's degree?

What if....

Here is where the story gets fun for me - instead of getting lost in what may have been I turn these what ifs in to stories in my mind.

I create an alternate reality of where life could have ended up.

They become these intricate stories and just remind me how much I enjoy writing and spinning a story even in my head.

Once I exhaust these silly ideas I then learn from my what ifs. What aspect of that moment do I actually regret? How can I avoid that in the future? What can I do differently tomorrow to build and learn from that moment of my life? What part of my silly story did I love the most and how can I implement that in to my reality?

One of my biggest fears is looking back at my life when I am 90 and realizing I didn't push myself hard enough, or go out of my comfort zone or got lost in the what ifs rather than pushing myself forward.

A huge lesson I have learned through all of this is to push outside of my comfort zone and make myself vulnerable at times in order to grow. This is partly why I have finally tried my hand at freelancing and regardless of what happens I will never have to ask myself one day what if.

This is why I pushed to get healthy - I won't have to wonder what if.

This is why I have learned how to speak my mind - I won't have to question what if.

Learning to push past who we think we are and push towards who we can be is tough for many of us I would think. If we never get past the fear of failure, rejection and being uncomfortable we will not be able to grow.

If we do not grow what has been our purpose all along.

Someone once told me if we ever find ourselves not wanting to learn and grow in an area it is time to leave that area behind. Once we think we know it all is the time we should recognize we don't and something needs to change.

Live a life with no regrets, rather live a life learning from your past.

What have you learned from your "what ifs" in life?


Thursday, September 15, 2016


Today I want to talk about patience.

I don't know about any of you but I seriously lack patience.

This is often times comical to me as I spend a large deal of time at my job preaching patience and I have none myself.

I have admitted before that I lack patience and I don't try to hide it.

It is something I will work on, for probably the remainder of my life.

One of the hardest aspects of patience in my opinion is that we are a society used to instant gratification.

For many of us, through no fault of our own, have not had to wait for things we wanted.

We are used to having results right now which is why I feel we look for the "easy" way out in regards to things like weight loss.

In other words we want, what we want, when we want it and we wanted it yesterday.

Learning how to change this once we enter real world is a challenge.

We have spent the first 20+ years of our lives probably having parents, teachers, family, etc. giving us what we ask for and now we are launched in to the real world and expected to adapt.

One of the best things I have learned is: you are not alone in your frustrations with how long we have to wait for things and how hard it can be to work for something and see tiny results.

Secondly it is going to be a marathon not a sprint - we probably won't be able to change a lifetime of habits overnight or even in a few weeks or months.

Give yourself time to adjust and adapt to learning how to hurry up and wait.

It will come with time.

Start out learning how to be patient with small things - during meetings, at red lights, in lines.

Gradually build up to learn how to be patient with: others who can't or won't hear you, with people who want to fight you, with the slow pace of change and progress you experience, etc.

Learn to not take things on a personal level - THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU and chances are people are not trying to cause you frustration, in fact you are not as important as you think you are to them.

Because the world doesn't revolve around you it is important to learn that your priorities won't be the same as someone else. They have their own priorities and you will need to learn to adapt to not being #1 in everyone's eyes.

There is a fine line between learning how to work through your frustration with the slowness of life and it is another thing to become someone's doormat. No need to flip out every time you are mad but it is also okay to speak your mind when you are frustrated.

Breathe, close your eyes, unclench your fists. It will get better I promise. Dance it out, sing it out, yell it out. Release that shit in a healthy way but don't continue flipping out when things aren't on your terms and in your time frame. It is possible to adapt to the world.

We live in a fast paced world but it does not mean everything has to be fast paced as well. Sometimes it is important to slow down and live life on life's terms.

What are your thoughts on patience?


Monday, September 12, 2016

Journey to Healthy Part 2

Read Part 1 here to catch up 

My plan started with realizing I didn't want to be 50 years old questioning "how the hell did I get here" and trying to figure out how to eat healthy. I didn't want to be the parent of a child one day who could not teach their child healthy eating habits, or was too heavy and out of shape to chase them down and play with them. I didn't want to worry about gaining 50 pounds if I did end up pregnant with no idea how to get it back off and having no plan or idea of what I would need to do. I didn't want to continue being uncomfortable in my own body. This all freaked me out so I decided it was time.

I started looking at what I ate - which was and remains the hardest part of this journey for me. I have had to learn how to cut down on my mindless eating. I work a desk job and have my own office so I spend 75-90% of my time alone in there. This leads to eating my daily calorie intake before lunch if I am not careful. I am not proud of this, it is just a fact. I have overcome this to a certain extent by having only healthy foods on hand at all time - bars, fruit, veggies, homemade popcorn & seeds are all my typical go to's. I have some trouble in this area only due to my allergies but I am figuring it out.

I also had to cut out drinking my calories - frappuccinos, sodas and juices. This proved to be pretty easy and now I am down to only drinking calories in the form of creamer in my coffee in the morning. I try to always have a bottle of water with me I can refill through the day as needed to keep me from feeling thirsty or tempting myself with sugary drinks. 

Then I had to figure out how to work out. Thank God for my husband who started on a healthy lifestyle a few years ago and had a plan in place already for working out. It is this plan and yes it is called buff DUDES but it has worked for me so far. I recently completed week 9 of the 12 and once I complete it I think I will repeat it again. 

The last piece of the puzzle for me has been learning to be patient - I have talked about this in several places on this blog and it is something I will always work on. It is another lesson I get reminded of all the time at work - nothing happens overnight and results won't be instant. I think this is a hard part for a lot of people who start out on a healthy journey - you see so many ads, celebrity endorsements, before and afters etc of people who lose significant amounts of weight seemingly overnight and we all want that. However reality is - it ain't gonna happen. 

I lost 20 pounds for our wedding back in 2011 and kept it off until literally about 2 weeks after coming home. I then proceeded to gain back about 25 instead. This was due to the fact that I restricted my diet significantly, exercised sporadically and didn't maintain any of this once my "goal" had come and gone. This did me no favors but led to bouts of yo-yo dieting and doing better for a week or two at a time until I gave up.

I feel like at this point I am learning a healthy balance of eating good most of the time, eating what I want sporadically, working out 4-6 days a week, drinking lots and lots of water regularly and appreciating the small changes. 

I will hash out the actual changes in another post because this has gone on long enough already. I split it up in to 2 parts so that nobody gets too bored reading it. Thank you for sticking it out and I would love to hear about your own experience with a healthy lifestyle or any thoughts on mine. 


Thursday, September 8, 2016

Journey to Healthy Part 1

Just for fun I decided to look up how many posts I have already written with similar titles and the grand total was only 3 so I was actually quite surprised. Evidently all the posts I assumed I had written on this topic never happened. I suppose that is a good thing at the end of the day. Well today I have a bit different story from the last few posts I shared on health.

Today I want to share my journey with you on how I began to discover my healthy. Let's get some things out of the way first - yes I tried to do this the wrong way every single time, My story probably sounds like a million other people's stories and I think that is because at the end of the day there is a foolproof way to get healthy and lose weight for most of us. If you are looking for a quick fix, a detox tea, supplements etc or any of that kind of stuff - you won't find it here. I apologize ahead of time but you have been warned before you keep on reading.

So no fix, no cure, no magic solution - what the hell does that leave us? The old fashioned way - eating better (less and healthier), exercising, tease out what was not working and pushing forward every single freaking day. I ended up doing what ever article and blog post I mocked said to do - set realistic goals, allowed myself some leeway with not cutting anything out completely, stopped expecting quit results, portion control (that is an entire post in and of itself), working out and patience - holy shit the amount of patience.

Prior to sitting down and writing this post I wanted to think that my story was different and I didn't have some "aha" moment everyone always talks about. Yeah well I was lying to myself - I had the damn moment just like everyone does. Now while I had my moment is still took me quite a few weeks from that point to actually begin making changes. My aha moment was getting my A1C test done for insurance. Now my results were fine but the mere idea that my family history of diabetes could actually finally catch up to me scared the living daylights out of me.

This was my aha moment where I realized what I was potentially doing to my body and how I was only making matters worse. I am aware that I eating better and losing weight won't guarantee me anything but I figured at this point it can only help me today and in the future.

The freak out moment I had when I realized I could be facing a life changing diagnosis is what finally pushed me to make the moves I needed to for my life. At work we talk a lot about hitting a "brick wall" and that being the catalyst for change and I never thought about this lesson applying to my own life until now. My brick wall was that damn test and that fear I felt with how my life could change. I decided to do what I could while I could. I started by looking at what I was doing and not doing.

While I had made some "progress" it wasn't enough. I was still eating a lot of shit - processed foods, sugary junk, candy, cookies; working out wasn't even on the radar with the exception of a few walks with the dogs every once in a blue moon and I was still drinking in so many of my calories. So I created a plan that I will share with you another day.

Part 2 Here


Monday, July 25, 2016

The Dining Room

So if you recall it has been a year of updating our new house.

Some of the other posts have been about our floors, painting, moving, decorating my craft room with many more to come I am sure.

One of the rooms I was ridiculously excited about was our dining room.

I have wanted a pretty dining room set with a matching hutch to entertain in.

As you know from this post food is what I am all about so it only makes sense that one of my favorite rooms in our house is where we eat.

When we moved in to the house this is what our dining room looked like.

The curtains came with the house and eventually we took them down, but since it is the front of our house we didn't want the windows to be bare. 

Therefore those lovely floral curtains stayed up until we had an alternative.

This was round one of decorating this room. 

Round 2 of decorating the dining room with updated curtains.

It was amazing the curtains made a major change in the entire room.

Eventually we ripped up the floors and laid our new hardwoods.

We also replaced the cheesy gold chandelier with a newer mini version of the one in our entry way.

And lastly we bought new furniture from the Raymour and Flanigan Outlet Center.

The curtains had to come down because the china cabinet + curtains made the wall way too busy.

So we took them down and put up these blinds we got online .

So the final result is this...

I love this room now and enjoy having a place to gather with friends and family.

We have put this room to use multiple times since we got the furniture in February and I am so happy we opted to get this set.

We were able to get a darker set since our floors are the gray color which all of our furniture tends to be darker.

Curtains: Target
Wall art: Pier 1
Cake stand: Target
Chandelier: Amazon 
Blinds: Online company the husband found

So what do you think? 

Too boring still?

I feel like I need to add something to the wall by the doorway to the kitchen but not sure yet if I want to make something or buy something... any thoughts?

Otherwise I am happy with it thus far!

Have a fabulous week as always friends.


Monday, July 18, 2016

Finding Michelina Post Round Up

Just in case you want to catch up on my blog this year so far here is what has happened.
Figured it can't hurt to have them all in one handy place instead of scrolling around looking for a post.

2016 update

Made by Meesh

Floor update

Bucket list

Life update

Craft room update
Bday post

Now you are caught up on the first half of the year.

Any thoughts -- I love to hear them!

Happy reading.